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Forums > EBay or other finds

Patches so bad, they're hilarious!

Mon, 29/12/2014 - 21:27

What's the worst patch you've ever seen? There's some piss-poor bootlegs on Ebay that have me in stitches! (No pun intended)

Taikon's picture


Here's one. There's a personal favourite of mine, which is the embroidered blue-and-white Iron Maiden - Fear of the Dark One where you can't actually see what's going on.

BLACKY's picture

I loved the AUTOPSY Item so much I bought the last two!

Pictures Soon!

lak89's picture

Haha someone actually bought it!

The Clairvoyant's picture

Oh dear...

Taikon's picture

BEHOLD! Sloytonic Wormucht: http://i.imgur.com/Lh5NoW7.jpg

RavenEffect's picture

This actually came up on facebook, no shittin

Lost it at serious offers

MonoWhisper763's picture

I'm not sure Eddie is even alive in that patch. It's fucking awful

The Clairvoyant's picture

That's fucking TRAGIC!

Nater90's picture


This one will always crack me up, Posted it a few times, So awful.

Nater90's picture

Hahahahaha, Chuck Norris is epic, I'd have a Chuck Norris patch on my kutte.

deadlock's picture

Its not quite as obvious, but this ones awful in its own more subtle way http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/BATHORY-EMBROIDERED-BACK-PATCH-/361158420238?...

Taikon's picture

Reminds me of the PEST NORE hoodies you can get on eBay..

PForx's picture

This thing looks more like Ninja Turtles than anything else...

Nater90's picture

Hahahaha it totally does!

stenchcore massive's picture

hahaha, the price is $6.66 too. what a joke.

RavenEffect's picture

Man these guy's patches look so horrible

Kathulex's picture

But, that's the MetalDevastation guy. His patches are fucking awesome.

But then again, I have a soft spot for fully embroidered artworks.

RavenEffect's picture

Clearly they're not

PForx's picture

He has a lot of good embroidered logo patches! It's just embroidered artwork that often doesn't really work out too well...

RavenEffect's picture

Maybe you're right and I'm only judging by what I see on his eBay shop.

DeathByMetalAustralia's picture

But it sold!!

Morbid_Welshman's picture

I've got some diabolical ones to post, hahah :L What's even funnier, is when people try selling them as "vintage" or "rare" for ludicrous prices :L Someone should make a jacket with just these really bad ones, that'd be funny :P

Heinz's picture

As a goofy high school kid I might have been all over "Batlord" as a band name. Today, maybe not so much.

Nater90's picture

Some rare stuff Doc...

What the fuck haha.


That's like something my auld Gran 'attempted' to sew me back in my early Metal days! Bless her! Haha! Chronic!

Do the makers of such shocking efforts actually think they are getting away that?

Was discussing such with a few old mates last week, there seems to be this sudden outbreak of tragic bootleg (they are an insult to bootlegs) pieces of cloth claiming to be 'patches' over the past couple of years and literally no official patches new or old...sad times indeed!

Taikon's picture

Despite all the ridiculous bootlegs, my least favourite piece of metal merchandise is actually official: http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg198/dwtmh/Archgoat/Bestial%20Warlus...

Not only did the embroidery completely ruin the design, it's also a big chunk of leather. It would've looked much better if it were shaped.

EvilPriest's picture


They took a square design and made it a rectangle design using microsoft paint...

Kathulex's picture

I've seen quite a few people wearing that atrocity.

EvilPriest's picture

That's the funny part :D

DeathByMetalAustralia's picture

yeah but it is copy written 1991. hahah

Morbid_Welshman's picture


Morbid_Welshman's picture

Oh dear...hahah :L

ulfskeptr88's picture

hahaha ... "2 sold"

Bayernpirat's picture

booaahhh fuck eyy, it´s soo hilarious to make a bootleg from a bootleg.
this is a bootleg I made:
and this is the crappier version:
(thx executor for the find)

Kathulex's picture

That actually looks pretty porngrind to me.

RavenEffect's picture

3 of them look ok I guess

Nater90's picture

Some of the other patches in their store look pretty good...Really digging the Sentenced one...I've got Sentenced - Buried Alive, Its fucking amazing.

Despiser's picture

Not the worst I've seen, but still pretty horrible - especially considering the quality of official M13D patches: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/MORTUARY-DRAPE-LOGO-Embroidered-PATCH-/2518035594...

Bayernpirat's picture

Inlo The Brape ???

vikingdantheman's picture


i had to buy this one, couldnt let this beauty get away.

Bayernpirat's picture
Morbid_Welshman's picture

This reminds me of a Kreator one I saw years ago (Can't even remember where) which has been spelled with a "C" but this is just as funny :L

Nater90's picture

Hahahahahahaha, That's fucking awful but hilarious as hell.

TooFastForLove's picture

I think it would be funny if I bought every single patch posted here and make a new jacket with them!

Toxicality's picture

I'm not really sure why anyone would think it was a good idea to make and distribute this abomination: http://www.ebay.com/itm/2-LOT-MEGADETH-THRASH-METAL-BIG-4-EMBROIDERED-Ea...

ProtectorOfMegadeth's picture

Dear God!

ProtectorOfMegadeth's picture

How about that one "So Far, So Good. So What?" patch


Nater90's picture

So crap...So shit...What the fuck...

kereealazer's picture

I've seen the last two on vests. My first two patches were Killing is my Business back patch and a good Peace Sells patch so I feel like crying for them.

ProtectorOfMegadeth's picture
Greaserjlg's picture


Don't know if this has been posted, but if you're a fan of Metallica, The Exploited and god awful embroidery, then this is for you!!!!!

Nater90's picture

Metallica and The Exploited could totally do a split album together! Would be...Interesting ;)

Greaserjlg's picture

And release these pieces of shit with the "Die hard, limited edition, ultra rare, picture book, concept art, splatter vinyl edition"

Claudandus's picture

Don't forget about the ball point pens, the "exclusive" t shirt witch looks like at least 5 other design already for sale, only shittier, the studio diaries you'll probably never watch anyway, The lanyards that wear out after a weak, the metal pins that falls of immediately after you put them on, the lame posters of the band posing in front of some construction site, all those links to "exclusive" material on some website that won't even be around in a couple of years, the bonus tracks consisting of some alternate takes or live versions of 20-something year old songs, the "certificate of authenticity" that proves that you are the proud owner of an item limited to 500.000 copies. Ah, pointless merch/extra features, could make a thread of it's own.

Nater90's picture

Haha nice one bro! And if you reverse the album it plays hidden 25 minute tracks of me screaming out HOT STEAMY GAY every 5 minutes.

Greaserjlg's picture

For my bands first record I'm going to get a scan of my great grandma's chocolate chip cookie from scratch recipe and put them in 5 random records, if you find it, you get the recipe for the best damn cookies on the planet that feel like an orgy in your mouth lol.

Nater90's picture

Hahahahahahaha, Pisser. Man...I feel like chocolate chip cookies now...

Nater90's picture

Hahahahaha, Fuck yeah man, The splatter effect would be the blood from virgins that are into disco-techa and listening to the album causes so much depression you have no choice but to snuff it.

Ysidro's picture

Now check this out!!! rofl!!

(Courtesy of Deaf Forever Forum: http://forum.deaf-forever.de)

Morbid_Welshman's picture

Derp Bloody Derp!

JoeCool6972's picture

There is a shit ton of those "SEPUDURA" patches on eBay!

Vollhonk's picture
Greaserjlg's picture
Johnny-Eyeball's picture

Any patch covered in weed leaves makes me cringe.

ProtectorOfMegadeth's picture


Kathulex's picture

100% Agreed


gizter's picture


other than that. yeah, pretty much.. especiale the Pantera patch..

(edit, its not covered in weed leaves, didnt read to well.)

MaxPerv's picture

I've just uploaded this..... Pretty sure it fits the category ;)

ProtectorOfMegadeth's picture

That patch is beautiful, what are you talkin about?!

Greaserjlg's picture


This one is pretty ugly but not god awful.

JoeCool6972's picture

And they only want $40. Sheesh!

JoeCool6972's picture

This Possessed patch I just found on eBay is pretty bad.


Kathulex's picture

Eh, not too bad actually. There are better Possessed boots out there but this is atleast accurate to the original logo.

Rodbo's picture

If you order from flammenwerfer666, tell him Rodney sent you and he will give you free shipping.


JoeCool6972's picture

This guy sells some good looking bootleg back patches at a pretty cheap price, but I find it a little weird he sells back patches and porn DVDs! LOL!


JoeCool6972's picture

Here is another one from the same seller as the Megaderp patch. This one is Metallica: Derpage Inc.


JoeCool6972's picture

And another one from that same seller... JLMI Henderp!


JoeCool6972's picture

The Exploited have been exploited. That weird looking thing is SUPPOSED to be a skull. Same seller as all the above bad ones too. Downright shameful!


Rodbo's picture

These two sites are probably two of the best metal patch sellers on EBay!! Their prices are great, customer service is great and fast ass shipping!!!



JoeCool6972's picture

Well, since Rodbo mentioned this seller, I found an awful Iron Maiden back patch "cultpatches666" was selling. Eddie looks like a methhead!


Rodbo's picture

I'm pretty sure if you look into that a legit Maiden back patch, I have seen tons of these

deadlock's picture

legit or not, it still fits the subject

Greaserjlg's picture


If you're going to make a shitty printed patch, at least make sure the text isn't fucking cut off by the border!!

Villi Thorne's picture

I think this is the worst one I've seen... wow. Just... wow. But I can't help laughing at it.

Spaghetti Zombie!

Givethemhell's picture
Nater90's picture

Fuck that is bad haha.

Bolzenwerfer's picture

not exactly "bad", but somehow....strange and obscure


Nater90's picture

Ahhhh that's nasty haha.

Metalmate's picture

Hahahah that 's already one of my favourites!

Bayernpirat's picture

this is a better one of the bad&ugly bootlegs XD

Komplott's picture

That's the "All wintry night laying in the trenches, falling asleep, only to be brutally woken up by misfire from yer mate ripping one up because he had too much bean soup" Slaytanic Wehrmacht face, clearly

dinosaurs_can_fly's picture

Well this is an ugly one, even the reaper's hand is cropped...

Tina Taem 22's picture

some bad quality Iron Maiden Patches maybe

Dr. Wilbur Graves's picture

not that bad otherwise but it bothers me how it only says "MAIDF JAPA"

Tina Taem 22's picture

haha 😂 It supposed to say Maiden Japan but the words got cut off to the corner on the patch

Dr. Wilbur Graves's picture

They asked 10€ for this mess

SprayDownTheDeath09's picture

This In Flames - Clayman patch is pretty bad looking.

Kriegaz's picture

A classic.

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